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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Lia's LiveJournal:

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Monday, November 13th, 2000
8:07 am
Another 1st period...gah, school.
It hasn't snowed yet.

I stood out in the cold for about 45 minutes this morning, waiting for the bus to come. And it didn't snow. If it's going to be cold, then dangit, I want to get something out of it. Like snow.

I heard that Bush and Gore are suing eacthother. But why? An oxymoron all in itself.

I tried to encourage someone this morning. I wonder is she knows it was me.

Current Mood: tired
Sunday, November 12th, 2000
8:01 pm
Almost wintertime...
Oh, everyone keeps talking about how it might snow tomorrow! I hope so....

GAH! I want to escape to some big city...I would skip down the streets at nighttime, feeling as if I could take off in the air with invisible wings. I would stand in the middle of the street and twirl with my arms outstretched, tasting the smowflakes and watching them swirl above me like glimmering, powdered sugar. I would leap out into traffic and hail a cab. And I would lean out of taxi, trying to sense all the stories of the city as I hung out of the window. I would have a camera...and the pictures would be streaked with melting rainbows of city lights and sprangled with sequin dots of snow...

Current Mood: lonely
Saturday, November 11th, 2000
4:18 pm
Where am I going now?
"Cherry was writing her name, as big as she possibly could, on a phone booth, hoping that perhaps if people saw it often enough, they would begin to discuss the phenomenon of the return of the queen. They would begin to search for her. At which time she would make herself available to them, and like some magic silver thread, she might transform the coarse, dull fabric of their lives. Right now, she was lost inside herself...for now, she had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. She decided that if she helped other people, it wouldn't have to matter..."

I think I have to explain all my "stories" like Joelle did, because a lot of people have asked what the hell they have all been about. It's not really a story...it's only me mirroring my emotions into a story...or PARTS of a story. Maybe one day I'll put all thse parts into one whole...but for now, these paragraph-long, erm, shall I say "excerpts," are just reflections of my feelings. I have to agree with Joelle (who is brilliant!) - it's just easier to express my feelings this way.

"You'll get by, you always have before...but where am I going to..?"

Current Mood: listless
Friday, November 10th, 2000
3:27 pm
Nothing much to say....
This morning was pretty...I woke up and the sun was shining through the blinds. A bunch of us went to the mall....and the mall was decorated all Christmassy...I love this time of year. And I love the mall - not because of all the clothes and trends, not in a shopping-is-fun kind of way...but I like seeing and being around all the people. There's never much diversity there...but it's close enough. It is no paradox but a great truth born out of all facts that human culture advances only through the clash of opposites.

"In the room upstairs, Cyrus and Cherry lay sleeping. Cherry was curled up by his neck. His breath was making her wings wave back and forth like petals in a breeze. They were both smiling beautifully, breathing in and out evenly. Suddenly, the doorbell chimed, echoing through the house, disturbing the peace that had settled over everything within it like loose glitter from Cherry's wings. She woke right away. With uncharacteristic shyness, she realized that she was half naked and disappeared behind a potted African Violet. The moment had been destroyed. All that was left was a tingling sensation along her naked spine and a phantom scent of honeysuckle on her fingers."

Too bad I can only put it into my story instead of being able to project it into my own life. What an advantage it would be to have my own place!

I'm going to NUFAN and Pulley tonight...and One Man Army...muahaha. Too bad that I have a headache right now....

Current Mood: relaxed
Wednesday, November 8th, 2000
7:37 pm
The glitter and grunge of a metropolitan city - Seattle.
Gah, Vancouver is so boring. Nothing happens around here...I want to move to some big, metropolitan area...Seattle. I have ALWAYS wanted to live there...I was there for a year, because I was born there...but I want to really LIVE there. Every time I visit Seattle, I think - mmm, wouldn't this be fun? Lia in Seattle = Her hair is dyed aubergine, pink, or Egyptian Henna, depending on her mood. Her skin is pale as frost and her lips are some unlikely shade of coppery violet. She wears big, doc martens boots, and a retro-style leather jacket with fake fur lining. She is always carrying bags full of bagels, Chinese take-out containers, or bouquets of flowers. Museum tags fill her pockets, along with invitations to art gallery openings. In public, her face resembles that of the statue of liberty, but at home in her candlelit, dove-coloured apartment, strumming her guitar, surrounded by her friends, the stony look fades away and she smiles as she breathes in the smell of the incense she is burning. She takes daily trips to the Pike's Place market and takes walks at night by herself, breathing it all in...all the speed, colour, noise, and glittery glamour. And that would be me...sounds fun.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Tuesday, November 7th, 2000
3:46 pm
VOTE GORE: BUSH IS A HOMOPHOBIC ASSHOLE.
Heh, it's election day. I wish I could vote...I don't know how I became political all of a sudden, but I did. I'd vote Gore - I can't figure out why a bunch of people are anti-him! I have no doubt that Gore will protect - and even bolster those precious american resources: public schools, social security, medicare, the budget surplus, clean air/water, and civil rights. Bush - let's face it - would essentially gut them and give the tax breaks to the rich and to all the businesses. Narf, I don't know why everyone thinks that Bush is such a great guy. His "compassionate conservatism" is an oxymoron - his Texas Heath care record shows that covering the uninsured was NOT a priority. He despises the notion of thoughtfulness. He talks out of one side of his mouth about kindness and compassion, and then out of the other traffics in unsults and innuendo! The only thing that he's really got going for him are his tax and spending plans...and I wouldn't vote for him on that basis. I don't believe in anything he stands for socially. Am I seriously supposed to consider voting for an unabashedly anti-choice, anti-gay, geographically and mentally challenged candidate whose attention span and grasp of detail rivals that of a moderately alert freshman? Thanks for the offer, but I think I'd pass...So what if Gore never declared jesus day in Tennessee? I think that we need an active, aggressive government that works to create equal opportunity for everyone. I trust his instincts and I think he's got the best presidential resume. Narf, I sound SO political. No doubt, I'll run for junior class president this year...haha, I'm so into it all of a sudden. Anyway...enough of my political bashing. I think you've all heard enough from me....I hope no one's offended, because I love you all!

Current Mood: accomplished
Sunday, November 5th, 2000
12:37 pm
ROAR!
Napster decided to die on me about 25 times this morning, mid-download. Now I have ZERO patience...I need to be with someone/thing that will appease me in any way, shape or form. I'll vent it all into my story...haha.

"Cherry was angry - angry over nothing is particular, but angry all the same. Flitting her wings rapidly, she ventured out of her companion's purse and into the open. She took in her surroundings at once: the rainbow-coloured lights flashing, the smell of alcohol, smoke, and leather, the trip-hop music vibrating through the air, and bodies dancing close together, sweat sliding over their bodies in a delicate, disco-lit sheen, moving to the fast beats. All around the club there were more tableaux featuring famous pairs and their friends. Cherry, diguised as one of the disco lights, found Cyrus and hovered near him. She was close enough to smell the cigarette smoke and vanilla shampoo of his hair and see the beads of perspiration on his temples. They made her think sentimentally of dewdrops, which she had never cared that much for, but which now, in the AWFUL, cringe-worthy, urbanized environment, had a special appeal. Breathing in, she began to calm down. Decidedly, she flew to the window, where she paused only briefly, before taking in the vast, rumbling, planet of a city that she hoped somehow to conquer."

Current Mood: bitchy
Saturday, November 4th, 2000
12:41 pm
empty halcyon.
Today I slept in...I actually slept last night. I'm experiencing some kind of new halcyon right now...I had a dream that one of my very close friends died...and now I feel...empty, but peaceful all the same. Except that I feel like all my strength and patience is gone...I feel like Stevo and Sandy when they're on their acid trip, and even with Beethoveen's moonlight sonata playing in the background...

What's missing is my inner fairy! It seems as if without her, the whole city will catch on fire and collapse into itself in an earthquake. The whole world is burning with cold winds and smog and exhaust. The flowers are all dying except for the poison oleanders. The trees have all lost their blossom gowns. Winter makes me so sad. Sometimes I remember to cry. Sometimes I just lay there and try to remember what it is that's gone. Me, I wish I were an insect, a pixie, camouflaged by its own brilliance and dazzle-beauty in a city where shop windows shine with diamonds and gauze, where confetti falls from open windows, where people in horse-drawn carriages toss bouquets with yellow ribbons into the night sky...

Perhaps I'll feel more energetic and balanced by this evening. I can feel the music I'm listening to charging like rushing water inside of me. I think my soul is being eaten away with all these decisions to make and my own indecisiveness.
Friday, November 3rd, 2000
7:59 am
Narf, I'm Laurie....
Yeah, first period again...Brandon's writing another role play and making everyone characters from That 70s Show. I have been deemed Laurie, Eric's slutty sister. I feel so loved. And in Brandon's LAST role play, I was the feminist chick from Saved By The Bell...narfage...go read it, his username is "punkonvalume..."

AAaaaaanyway. I gained some weight. Whoohoo for me...all the Halloween candy has nade me FAT. There is now a HUGE PILE of candy wrappers sitting next to me, and I'm cruching up a lollipop...I feel like a huge fatass. OKay, I'm getting really pissed off...Randy just said: "Aren't all feminists lesbians?" NO! "Well, just the ones with the short hair," he says...Grrr...! Wow, I really like Sariah's big poster that she hung up: "One only has the right to be an individual if one respects the individuality of others..." I'm going to hang up a bunch that say "Celebrate Diversity..." I already got permission from Ms May!

Current Mood: energetic
Thursday, November 2nd, 2000
4:51 pm
Well...today I joined Diversity Comittee. It was actually really awesome...and Ms. Mayfield is the coolest! There are only about 10 people in it...but that's cool, because then my opinion counts more. So far, I am in charge of putting inspiring posters up around the school...here come Lia's artistic skills, whee! And then I get to make pretty handouts for the MLK assembly in January, and I think I get to make a speech...wow, I'm getting involved....!

Otherwise, today was a bore. It was one of those days where you sit around watching the clock in EVERY class...*sigh.* I need a ride to the show at the Grange tomorrow (friday). Anyone? Anyone at all....?

More storytime: "From far away, it looked like a star, but more like a nursery-rhyme star than a real one. And tinier. It came closer and closer, flitted, lit, and then finally landed in Cyrus' palm. And then the light began to change. First Cyrus noticed the two slanted green eyes and then the poison-flower-red hair, and then the long, slender, silvery-blue arms and legs, the hands with the long fingers, the miniature mouth, and when it opened, the incisors were sharp and pointed, almost as if they had been filed that way. The light was not a light at all, but a girl who was the size of a little finger. All that was left of her amorphous form were the incandescent wings that sprouted from her shoulder blades.
"OH!" Cyrus said.
"Is that all you can say? 'Oh?'" It was an eye-rolling voice, a pouty-lipped voice.
"I'm sorry," Cyrus stammered. "You're just so..."
"So! So what?" The girl looked like she were about to spit venom.
"Tiny," said Cyrus. "And you have wings!" Gorgeous, ephemeral, shiveringly exquisite wings was what he meant to say, but it was hard to talk at all...
"How observant!" snapped the girl-thing.
"And you're so..."
"Beautiful," she helped out.
"Yes," breathed Cyrus. Beautiful wasn't even close. There weren't words, really - none that he knew, anyway - to describe her......."

Yesh, that was when Cherry the fairy came along to my story. I skipped over that a long time ago...

I feel impulsive today. Who dares to embrace the form of death, and to dance in destrution's dance...they shall be visited by life itself....I'm happy that my future belongs to me.

Current Mood: quixotic
Wednesday, November 1st, 2000
7:21 pm
HARDcAndy.
Whee...
Yesterday was Halloween...It was quite fun! About 20 of us (me, Lehah, Brandon, Alexio, Mike, Ty, LeAnn, Chris, Vickie, Jeff, Adam....am I forgetting anyone?-probably.) Anyway, is was superduper fun....except that we got yelled at like a million times...lol. But I wore my light up fairy wings...whee! I feel like dancing....

"Cherry would always imitate the butterflyish gestures when she danced, rippling her back and letting her arms hover in the air. She danced and twirled to the beats of the fast music as every watched her, her tiny spine rippling like breezy grass, the blossomy toss of her hair, the wind-spun leaf-step of her feet. She didn't care what anyone thought....she was a tiny bead of light flickering in the darkness, like a dewdrop ready to splash from a leaf." Erm, did the dewdrop part make sense?

Anyway, yesh...dancing sounds fun.

I argued with Wade Z about abortion today....erg, I feel terrible about that. It should be legal only in certain instances, such as rape...but that's only my opinion...

I was GOING to continue my story from the picture-taking scene from a few days ago, but I got sidetracked by the dancing scene...

"Suddenly, Cherry understood. She really should have known before, she told herself. But as sophisticated as she was in the world of ladybugs and butterflies and crickets - a diva, a princess, an abassadrix of cool - she still hadn't really learned that much about the Big World, even with all the Vogue and Vanity Fair and New York Time articles she had glanced at while passing through Minit Marts. The world was an uglier place than she would have liked to believe it. It had no respect for the smaller and most delicate members. It would let them starve in the back pages with soulful, hopeful eyes; it would let them be touched in ways that no one should be touched, and broken like wish bones and tossed into the trash, it would let them be exposed and solicited. Cherry reached for a lighter and touched it to the corner of one of the photographs. The photo began to curl in on itself as the fire ate away at it. Cherry tossed the burning picture into the water and watched it blaze like a firefish in the blue water."

But the children are the next generation, and we should protect them....

Get up, get up, get up, don't let them ever put you down...
We are the children of the night...and fight for the future of our nation, let's come together and unite, cuz nothing's gonna stop us now...let the fire burn inside, nobody can stop this generation, cuz we're the children of the night....hehehe! I was introduced to the Happy Hardcore CD today by Cassiepie. Whee.

Current Mood: bouncy
Monday, October 30th, 2000
9:01 pm
CORAXAN plastic shovels and futuristic xmas lights.
Today I craved ICE COLD water. Mmmm, like the crystalic arctic waterfalls you see in the commercials...but with ice, like futuristic falling ice cubes..perfectly manifactured and square. Storytime.

"Cherry's father used to say that people accepted and even sometimes appreciated eccentricites in New York. Perhaps there, her beauty might be recognized. Not that Cherry considered herself an eccentricity, but she was certainly smaller than the normal standard of beauty. And her wings were unusual in her own small city. She had looked in "ELLE" magazine where men from Manhattan wore ugly, gauze attemts at her own wings and pranced around. At least they were taking a stab at loveliness, Cherry thought, as she flew in circles above a miniature statue of the Empire State Building that she had come across in a neighbor's garden. Better than here. And here was Barbie, with the opportunity for fame, fortune, and endless attention at her young fingertips, weeping and lighting photos in a way that could endanger gossamer beyond repair...and yet she understood. She understood the pain that comes along with endless attention and praise, the tears that come with obsession and wandering eyes...with cameras that stare you down and take note of every flaw and part..." More tomorrow...I'm getting upset.

Tomorrow is Halloween, and I get to wear my fancy light-up wings...a true fairy again. Narf, I'm getting kicked off of the computer. Love to every one of you...

Current Mood: thirsty
Sunday, October 29th, 2000
1:40 pm
Escape to freedom.
I had a dream this morning that I was an explorer on Saturn, and I predicted that one day, Saturn would be sucked into the orbit of yet another planet. In a universe where planets revolve around suns, and moons turn about planets, where force alone forever masters weakness, compelling it to be an obedient slave or else crushing it, there can be no special laws for man. For him, too, the eternal principles of this ultimate wisdom hold sway. He can try to comprehend them, but escape them, never. And that's how my day started. Following closely after that was another trip to church. Narf!...to see a hundred or so heads bow all at the same time when the pastor says: "let us pray" holds my intrigue. Do they really think that these rituals and beliefs they practice will make them more holy? Will their prayers (or hopes, as I like to call him - that's really all they are) bring them closer to their god? If they recite lines from hymnals, is it true that they are praising their lord...if those words are not even their own??? Church. It's pointless.

On a less agnostic note. I think that something's wrong with me, I really do. Added to everything that was wrong with me before, now I can't even eat. But enough of my whining. I went to Alex's yesterday...and david was there. I was glad to see him...I at least know that he hasn't yet persued his perpetual walking dream. He's back in school, and he has a girlfriend. Apparently he loves her...and I don't have to worry about him much anymore. Why does everyone, incuding myself, seem so BLAH lately?? Please say that it's the weather, and not the end of the world...

"Cherry knew that she should call a cab, but she didn't have the energy to stop and call one, so she just kept walking. Not even realizing that she was doing it, she dragged her knuckles against a brick wall until they were flecked with blood. She tried to think, but couldn't - she felt like a little girl who had slipped dowstairs and secretly witnessed the drama from inside a dusty arrangement of roses that made her nose tickle. Then she stopped walking and put her bleeding knuckles to her mouth. She sat down on the sidewalk, dropped her head, closed her eyes, bit her lip, and pressed her palms against her ears as if she could make the memories go away, like the monkeys who refuse to acknowledge evil. It didn't work. She saw three monkeys, all with his face." I wonder if my story's even going anywhere. I hate this - whenever I write, I always have a beginning and an end all worked out, but the middle is always just a bunch of bullshit. Argh.

The sun just came out. This morning, as I walked out of church, I looked at the world in a different perspective for a brief moment and almost cried. I have no words to descibe this...I just felt this incredible connection to the world...like I wasn't me anymore, I was just a part of this big cycle. Which is all it is, really...except I'd like to think of myslelf as a little more than that. It depresses me to think that I don't even matter; that I'm more of a PART of it than an actual contribution. Vancouver is such a drone town. I quote Stevo from SLC Punk on this one..."You moved here to change nothing, only to perpetuate this cycle of greed, fashion, and money..." and that goes for my parents as well as Stevo's. They don't want to change anything, they just want to perepectuate these stupid cycles! Well...*I* want to change something, goddamnit. I should become a politician. Narf. What the hell can I do to change anything? I'm just one girl.
I'm just one girl.
Do I really know things?
It's a proven fact that everyone makes a difference.
But I am only an imbalance.
I am only a fluke.
My motives are probably harmful.
This death is at my own will.
He stole my youth,
I sold my soul...
A soul that speaks
But tells only lies...
Wow, what random poetry skills; I'm on a roll! That one might make for an excellent song...if only it had some rhythm. Grr, we have school tomorrow...I wonder where Lehah is.

I think Patrick's becoming tired of me. I TOLD him that I was boring, but he never listened. Oh well, that's the way life goes. Don't stop just yet...we've got the world looking in our window.

The sun disappeared again. Sigh.

Current Mood: morose
Friday, October 27th, 2000
8:40 pm
BLAME it on the rain.
This was my day off. I got up this morning at 7, thinking that the phone was my alarm clock. I layed in bed for about two minutes trying unsuccessfully to shut it off, and only when I was fully awake did I realize that it had been the phone. Then I got up and drove for about 3 and a half hours. ROAR. Later today, I suddenly became very sick and weak...and then glenn and I got in another of our huge fights and I got really upset...not surprising. Finally, I ended up walking to the park up the road, and I sat there in the rain on a bench for an hour or so, staring blankly. I wonder if anyone sees things as I do...words and concepts can only take someone so far. I felt an immense compassion towards everyone today...I went out to dinner tonight and as I looked at everyone, I felt as if I could see inside of them...just by the way they acted or presented themselves. And I felt connected - one of those rare moments when I actually believe that everything is just a huge circle...

Grant convinced me to go to the football game last night. It wasn't as interesting as most of the games turn out to be...in fact, it was rather empty. I think I saw a total of about 15 people that I actually knew...it was strange. Anyway, after that we went to Baskin&Robbins, and I saw CAROLYN working there! I guess she's going to some all-girls catholic school in Portland now. I tried to be supernice to her, and it actually worked. She said to me, "yeah, your ex boyfriend came in here with some friend of his, and he was telling me about how much you used to hate me..you know, the one with the blue hair..." grrr! I was surprised that she didn't remember how much of a bitch she used to be to me...but I finally reminded her, and she understood...and we apologized right before we all left...I feel better now that we've cleared things up. Whee.

I need to get out of the house...I know it's only been a few hours since the last time I did...but grrr, I can't stand doing nothing for such long periods of time. I suddenly thought of that REALLY evil "Down to You" movie...did anyone see that? It STILL bugs me, and it's been about 4 months since I last saw it. Their lives seemed so petty. Like, how not eating cake was a crisis in their monotone lives...

I want to live in a bright city with model-thin palm trees and ornate castle-type buildings, with vintage cars driving around with names like Jackal and Veruca, kids with flowery hair and large shoes, eating cherries or reading at an outdoor cafe with cushioned chairs set on the cement sidewalk...and I could sit out on my porch, and from my house I could see the city shining below as if it were wet.

"Cyrus came up behind Cherry. Her wings were quivering with the lights and vibrations of the city. Her wondered how they might feel brushing up against his face. He tried to remember what the sensation had been like when she bit him on the thigh, before he had swatted her away. It didn't register as just a bite anymore, but as something much more glamourous and exquisitely painful..." [still workin' on that story of mine....]

I best be off so that I can call Lehah...I promised her that I would, and anyway...we hardly ever talk anymore, unless we're bickering. Love to everyone...

Current Mood: exanimate
Thursday, October 26th, 2000
5:49 pm
The lost domain.
I ate a really gross muffin this morning, and after that, felt really full...like I couldn't eat a thing. It pissed me off, too, because my mum made spaghetti (she actually cooked!) and I had to miss it. Growl.

On a better note, I finally found some sex pistols tabs that sound right. I talked about this with Wade today - I HATE it when people post tabs that are ALL wrong...grrr! Well, these ones are right, so I'm impressed! Whee.

Wow, Joelle made me feel good today, she commented on my journal and said that I was TOO DAMN COOL. Was this a compliment, Joelle? You need to write in your journal, so far there are "0 entries" - I checked, hehe. Anyway, that made my day, because things like these are so rare. I'm so happy that everyone is getting into this livejournal thing...although I'm afraid that it's going to become rather dull someday. Well, I can enjoy it for now, atleast...

David told me a while back that he wanted nothing more than to walk and walk, not knowing where he was going, just walking aimlessly. "I have this endless desire..." he told me. But I thought about that. Such moments, such particular glipmses down long vistas of the unattainable, far more than a certain archetypal landscape or emotional perspective on it...they die. You see, we first grasp the black paradox on the human heart of the human condition when we realize that the satisfaction of desire is also the death of desire. I hope he decides to stay....

It's funny how I can log on to my AIM and be on for about two hours, and suddenly I will hear about 10 doors open all at once, and get 10 messages all at once....

Well, I best be off, as I'm being attacked...Everyone wants me to go to the game...hehe. Love to you all.

Current Mood: hopeful
Wednesday, October 25th, 2000
6:50 pm
MMmmmmmm....she's a goddess...


Current Mood: rejuvenated
4:51 pm
I was born two weeks late...is that why I hesitate?
Whee, I just got done getting some piano music off the net...now I play Moonlight Sonata the RIGHT way! I'm such a music geek.

Jules was gone today, it made me sad, because I have 2 whole periods with her! I guess she went to Salt Lake City...hehe, Mormon country. She's mormon though...so maybe it isn't funny to her like it is to me...*bubble pops*.

Erin asked me today: "Do you want Gavin back?" WHY, I thought...? I had almost forgotten about him. Is it right to forget the ones we used to be so close to? I don't know why that relationship lated for so long. I suppose I only stumbled into it, unprepared, unwarned, thinking of nothing, and then I was caught in that inextricable net. I was alone...I only. The moment of then closed us together in its gaping grin of horrible incredulity. Maybe all of it made me a stronger person. Maybe he'll be willing to talk someday, and so will I. Maybe I just shouldn't think about it...yeah, that sounds good. Okay then.

I was given four whole pennies by JT yesterday. It goes to my Lia-needs-a-new-guitar-fund. Speaking of which, that dumbgirl Victoria was at my bus stop again this afternoon. She DRIVES me insane! Jeff was burning grass on the cement, and she said, "Mmm, it smells like cigarettes, I love the smell of cigarettes!" all poseurish- chainsmoker like.
"It smells like burning grass to me, sweetheart," I said. Then later, Tyson had his guitar, and he gave it to her for a minute while he skated, and she said to me (all poseurish-like again), "Yeah, I can play the electric REALLY well, but not an accoustic. I have no idea how to play an accoustic." I looked at her in bewilderment, fuming at her lies. She has bright red hilfiger shoes, and her backpack matches them. They make me cringe. Oh no, I feel like alex and chris making fun of julia...grr...atleast I don't make fun of the way she walks, just her petty lies. Hehhe, I'm sorry, I love you guys! And I'm sorry bout my bad mood lately, Alex. I don't know what it is...perhaps I have too much on my mind. Anywho. I need to quit bashing people, and so does everyone else. I'm such a huge hyporcrite...I suck, I suck! Grrr...

Yeah, I think casual sex DOES sound pretty yummy right now...but fingertip touching sounds better.

I got some random compliments on my hair today. It made my day. Now if only they could be confirmed as true, since my unpretty mood is increasing, and my fairylike attitude is escaping from me. MUST...WEAR...WINGS...SOON....*pant, pant*..."Her beauty, which before she might have doubted, should be undeniable now. She reminds Cherry of some kind of mythological creature trancing out in an exotic dance...a hermaphrodite belly-dancer with the cheekbones of a wild cat and translucent wings, like stars. Even so, she feels even less beautiful after the things that happened when she was a child." [from my story...]

Sariah (whee, Sariah!) is trying to convince me to join DivCom. I think that might be fun...I might just give it a try.

Just one more day of school until the weekend..smile, everyone. Anyway, I have to go have an affair with Melissa. See you all later...kisses for EVERYone. Especially Patrick...on the neck....*smiles.*

Current Mood: cheerful
Tuesday, October 24th, 2000
6:23 pm
Talk is cheap and I don't need you to keep telling me...
I felt so dead after 6th period...I had my drive and I flew by about 10 stop signs, and I had no idea how to get to Safeway from Main Street (which they made me find myself)... grr. But it's not the end of the world..I'm just frustrated because I had only about 5 tests today. Sigh, I need a break away from the world. To bad there isn't a path to the unreachable, a map to the unmappable...because there are no locks or bolts or barriers there, just wide open space. Can you envision emptiness everywhere? Bliss.

Tee told me that the show at the grange is still on Friday. Anyone going?

I felt really icky today, esp. before lunch, and my tummy hurt...I felt like a wilting flower. I wish the docs could help me. Grr, all my life I've been told to wait and wait and wait till things get better. I eventually get used to the demons in my life and let them continue and turn into routine. Wouldn't it be better to stop the demons right as they come along, BEFORE they turn into a perperual hurt? Life is weird.

I found out that Hitler was a dowser - like, someone who's into the forces of nature. Supposedly, he searched for power within the earth to increase his own powers. I guess it worked, too, because in the old films of him, he'll be standing in his open car as it moves along the street, with the crowds cheering around him, but before his car comes to a complete rest, it backs up and goes forward, adjusting until it settles on exactly the right spot - and this was how he "measured" the amount of forces and any given time. That's so strange. I wonder if the forces inside the earth could help the good as well as the evil...? I suppose that I might be able to suck some forces out of the earth into my own body. Hmm...interesting concept. He also believed that is you eat the roots of a plant at your birthplace, you will prevail...nevermind, this is too confusing...and why would I want to be like Hitler, anyway? Grr.

So yeah, anyway...Alex and Lehah are supercute, I just read Alex's thing about how he's in love with her. It's great that he can be so sure about it...that's awesome. GO, Alex, whoo hoo for you, I'm really proud. You too, Lehah. And Alex, I forgive you, I really do, because it's OK, and everyone makes mistakes. But I want you to remember that although I'm really opinionated and stubborn, I know what's best for myself, more than anyone else does. Don't try to interfere.

Argh...school has been really demanding lately, but I'm not about to give up just yet. It seems like there are all these assignments piling way up high on my back...speaking of my back, grrr, it hurts like hell again! Need...chiropractor...ouch! *crack*! I think I complain too much. Note to self: QUIT YOUR WHINING!

I miss Patrick, I wonder where he is...

Hmmm, nothing else interesting to write about, so I might as well go. Love to you all.

Current Mood: lethargic
1:58 pm
Yesterday was dullI felt so empty that I couldn't think past my nose. Mr. Hoover died, and everyone at school was like, BOOHOOand I felt guilty because I had always disliked him. I thought of it this way: if he was mean to me (which he was), then certainly he doesn't deserve my respect and mourningbut still, aren't you supposed to pay reverence to the dead? How morbid of me

Then I painted myself into oblivion when I got home later that night, and ended up smearing some all over my pants. It never came out, eithermy pants will be forever ruined. I've ruined so many pants with paintbut it's always worth it. I'd rather have one paint-session-into-oblivion with myself than a million pairs of superclean pants. I mean, who really cares, anyway? But I was happy, because I saw the stars yesterday morning - the skies were so clear that you could hear the stars singing

I'm wearing two watches today again. I feel verystudious. Someone told me I looked smart yesterday. I don't know if it was a compliment or whatI couldn't figure it out.

I think my soul lives in my fingertips

But today is more interesting. 5 more minutes of school...RING, bell! I have a drive, I have to drive to KMART and the courthouse and all those good places.

Patrick, you make me smile, don't stop.

Well, I'll see you all later, I have to get back to my cool history class, hehehe. BORING.

I love you ALL.

Current Mood: awake
Sunday, October 22nd, 2000
1:52 am
Love is....
Anyway. I was so thrilled...I found a My Little Pony watch in my sister's room today and I jacked it...yay! Wade thinks I should bottle my saliva and sell it as fairy spit. Yum.

Real life is more vivid than the reality we live in, just as our three-dimensional, Tehcnicolour world is so much more solid than a two-dimensional black-and-white photo pasted on a piece of cardboard is. Real life, the real life we don't know about because we can't conceive of it, is probably many exponential dimensions greater and deeper. But if I'd have to pin it down in specific words, I'd never know where to begin.

I think figured out what love is....

Listen up, peoples, cuz I figured it out, damn straight: Love is when you know a part of you is a part of the person you love, and when you know a part of you is a part of that person. You can't manipulate or decieve or lie to them, because it would be like decieving or lying to yourself...what a bitter pill to swallow!

I best be off. Go mingle your stardust with someone, everyone.

Current Mood: contemplative
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