Lia (pixichik) wrote,

  • Music:

empty halcyon.

Today I slept in...I actually slept last night. I'm experiencing some kind of new halcyon right now...I had a dream that one of my very close friends died...and now I feel...empty, but peaceful all the same. Except that I feel like all my strength and patience is gone...I feel like Stevo and Sandy when they're on their acid trip, and even with Beethoveen's moonlight sonata playing in the background...

What's missing is my inner fairy! It seems as if without her, the whole city will catch on fire and collapse into itself in an earthquake. The whole world is burning with cold winds and smog and exhaust. The flowers are all dying except for the poison oleanders. The trees have all lost their blossom gowns. Winter makes me so sad. Sometimes I remember to cry. Sometimes I just lay there and try to remember what it is that's gone. Me, I wish I were an insect, a pixie, camouflaged by its own brilliance and dazzle-beauty in a city where shop windows shine with diamonds and gauze, where confetti falls from open windows, where people in horse-drawn carriages toss bouquets with yellow ribbons into the night sky...

Perhaps I'll feel more energetic and balanced by this evening. I can feel the music I'm listening to charging like rushing water inside of me. I think my soul is being eaten away with all these decisions to make and my own indecisiveness.
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